How about you quit the gym and do some fear-setting instead?

Written on the 4th February 2022.

It is the beginning of February and the goals we set a month ago may seem less appealing already. Is trying to lose weight realistic? Can the vegan thing really work? And online language classes require quite a bit of self-motivation, don’t they?

January birthdays can be difficult, too – no-one has any money to go out, everyone has given up drinking, and the days are cold and dark. It can be difficult to muster the energy to celebrate, but this wasn’t just any birthday – this was going to be my 30th and I had started to feel nervous about it back in the autumn.

And then this happened - I discovered Tim Ferris’s 2018 TED talk on fear-setting and I flipped my mindset from apprehension to excitement.

Ferris describes his theory of fear-setting in 3 stages:

1. Identify the fears that are holding you back (you could try answering the question “What is kidnapping me from doing ‘x’?” – in my case – celebrating my 30th birthday)

• Define your fears by listing them out
• For each fear identify what you could do to prevent that from happening
• Then state what you could do to repair the situation if the worst-case scenario were to occur

2. Analyse what the benefits of a partial success might be (I like to think of this as “What would happen if we were looking on the bright side?”)

3. Quantify the cost of inaction – answer the question “What would the impact be on me emotionally, physically and financially over the course of the next 6, 12, and 36 months if I don’t take action?”

The result was an awesome fun-filled 30th birthday, surrounded by family and friends, who wanted to celebrate me despite Dry January, Veganuary and having no money! I feel empowered by taking control of what was controllable, which has marked the beginning of an exciting era, rather than hiding as I drift quietly from my 20s to my 30s.

And I have taken it one step further by deciding to approach the entire year with positivity and intention. I have created my own “30 @ 30” to see in my new decade – a list of 30 things I am going to experience or achieve this year. I am going to favour “yes” over “no” and get out to explore the world, discovering myself more as I go (foreign travels, completing my dream home and afternoon teas in fancy hotels are also on the list).

Fear-setting is a simple tool to use to break down overwhelming tasks or events. I realised that I have been using it without knowing it for most of my professional life. However, when I saw it delivered in the TED talk, it made perfect sense to apply it to my personal life.

Going back to the cancelled gym membership then, perhaps it’s time to reflect upon what it is you would really like to achieve and why. Perhaps the weight loss was a distraction from the real goal that you are afraid to tackle, such as getting that promotion/pay rise (or getting out!), picking up the phone to put yourself (back) into the networking arena, stepping up to a challenge at work, taking on a voluntary position or making amends with a family member. I found that by knowing what I want to achieve and why, what was preventing me and identifying the cost of remaining inert, I was able to act – and I would love for you to be able to do the same